When you host an exchange student, they become a part of your family. All those little moments over the past year where you figured out each other's quirks and they adjusted to your family's routines and traditions (create-your-own pizza night, anyone?) can build some strong bonds. And not just with you—chances are your exchange student has become a big sibling, a role model, or even a best friend to your younger kids. So when it's time for them to return to their home country, saying goodbye can feel devastating, especially for your young ones.
Young kids might struggle to understand that your exchange student is only here temporarily. To them, their home is your exchange student's home, so why would they have to leave? The good news is that there are steps you can take to help make the "goodbye" easier for them.
Don't wait until the last week to start talking to your kids about your exchange student's departure. Kids need time to process change, so it's important to ease them into the transition. Start with conversations about how your exchange student's program is temporary. Use language they can understand: "Remember when Maria first came to live with us? We talked about how she would stay with our family for one school year, and then she would go back to her family in Spain."
Encourage them to ask questions. Since younger kids can struggle to understand the passage of time, consider creating a visual timeline or calendar that shows when your exchange student arrived and when they'll return home. You can explain it in simple language "Look, Anna came in August when school started, and she'll go home in June when school ends."
Let your kids know that it's okay to feel sad, confused, or even angry. Encourage them to express how they're feeling by saying things like "It's okay to miss them" or "I feel sad, too." Avoid brushing off their emotions with phrases like "Don't be sad," but instead, openly encourage them to express their feelings.
Younger kids might not always have the words to express how they're feeling. You can ask them questions like "What will you miss most about Jannick?" or "How do you feel about Suko going home?"
Goodbyes might be sad, but that doesn't mean they can't also be special. Consider organizing a small farewell party or dinner to celebrate the connections you and your exchange student have made over the past year. Your kids can help plan the event, giving them a chance to feel involved in your exchange student's departure and provide a sense of closure.
You can also make a scrapbook together or create a memory box commemorating the time you've shared with your exchange student. This gives your kids something tangible to hold onto once your exchange student is gone.
Remind your kids that just because your exchange student is going back to their home country doesn't mean they're gone forever! Reassure them that they won't be losing their "big sibling" by talking about how they want to keep in touch. Is it a monthly FaceTime chat? Sharing ridiculous TikTok videos? Sending drawings or letters in the mail? Knowing that they can still communicate with your exchange student can feel comforting.
What an incredible year it's been! As your family prepares for your exchange student to return home, reflect on all the fun times you have shared—like your exchange student's first football game, their mastering of American slang, and that time they were mildly traumatized by Hawaiian Pizza. Reflecting on these memories will reinforce the idea that the exchange was special, not just a temporary visit. This can help your kids feel grateful that the exchange happened and (hopefully) less sad that it is over.
The bond between your kids and your exchange student is part of what makes the hosting experience so meaningful. But it is also what makes saying goodbye so hard. By approaching your exchange student's departure with sensitivity and honesty, you're teaching them coping skills that will help them navigate this adjustment period.
Remind your kids (and yourself!) that just because your exchange student is leaving, it doesn't mean you won't be able to see them again. The airport tears are real—and they matter. But so do the smiles during that first video call when your exchange student is back home, excited to share their new life with you.