Every year hundreds of Italian mammas and papás kiss their teenagers goodbye at the airport… Meanwhile, across the USA, eager host families wait to greet each one. Would you like to join in the fun? This guide will help you decide - and make the most of the hosting experience:
Vanessa saying goodbye to her parents in Rome before heading to Colorado to meet her new American host family and spend a year at an American high school.
A big thank you to Italian students Vanessa (Rome) and Alice (Milan) for sharing photos, fun, and advice from their year in the USA.
And many thanks to ICES regional and national staff for sharing decades of experience working with students from Italy. We appreciate your help in creating this useful guide for hosting Italian exchange students happily ever after!
Host families need to know a few things about Italian culture that even Google may not know… What is it really like to live with an Italian? What do Italians value most - at home? What do they expect from a year in the USA? Knowing these things will help you make the decision to host. It will also equip you to help your student adapt quickly.
We can’t deny this stereotype: Italians really do eat pizza and pasta. However, the food culture in Italy is (much) more than specific dishes or ingredients. It is a way of life: sitting down together around a table, sharing favorite flavors and fun conversations. That’s the Italian way.
You don’t have to be a foodie to host an Italian, but you do need to address the food issue. Eating is different in the USA. We don’t tend to cook elaborate meals every day, and we might even eat alone and even whenever we get hungry (instead of following a strict meal schedule). The key is understanding cultural differences and talking about them. Italians come to the USA to learn new ways!
Tight Italian families are another stereotype - and we can’t deny this one either. "Togetherness" is a theme for Italians. Mamma and Papá may need help cutting the apron strings at first. But don’t take it personally. They’re just fulfilling the roles they learned in their culture.
When you host an Italian student, prepare to Zoom with the entire family. The key is to establish and enforce healthy, weekly connections so your student can adapt to real life in the USA - without getting tangled up in apron strings.
Friends: Nicety or Necessity?
Like good Mediterraneans, Italian teenagers have been trained to invest deeply in life-long friendships. This is a family-and-friends-first culture. What does this mean to host families? You student will expect to make friends - lots of them - and this is part of the mix. Keep reading to see how this can enhance the exchange as long as you set proper limits that work for your family.
Maturity: High or Low?
Exchange is a fascinating way to see how different cultures promote independence in different areas at different ages and stages. Most Italian kids arrive ready and raring to go: out on their own. Host families are often surprised by how independent they are compared to American kids their age. This intriguing cultural difference can be explored and managed to keep your exchange happy and fun for everyone involved. Keep reading.
Relationships: Close or Far?
In those movies with an Italian flair, are those chummy relationships real? This is yet another stereotype that has roots in reality: real values that shape relationships in Italy. People tend to enjoy very close, tight relationships with their family and friends. So, what does this mean for host families? Welcome to the inner circle!
And the big question: are Italian kids stuck to their phones and laptops like American kids? Of course! Just like teenagers around the world, kids from Italy need clear limits on technology use. This is a cultural similarity that host families can easily manage with students from Italy. Keep reading.
Anthropologists call it ethnocentrism. It’s the natural human tendency to believe that our way - the way we learned in our own culture growing up - is the right way. Youth exchange exists to challenge us. More than one American host family has a funny tale to tell about the time they put Italian ethnocentrism to the test… Just one more fun reason to host a student from Italy.
What happens when an Italian student comes to live with you? Life becomes richer and more interesting. Here are just a few things these students share with their host families:
“The best part of hosting an Italian student is the food,” according to one member of ICES staff. Many of these kids know how to cook up some amazing dishes. Some of those recipes will have names you know - like pizza, spaghetti, gnocchi and the like - but also authentic Italian flavors you never imagined. Other items on your new menu might surprise you, but everything is guaranteed to be 100% delicious.
Italians don’t just eat, they talk about their food - with passion. Americans also talk about food, but our conversations often revolve around health benefits like vitamins, minerals, sugars and fats. In Italy, food is all about delight; good health is simply a byproduct of traditions that have evolved over thousands of years. So, however you like your food, prepare to have some new and different conversations about flavors, ingredients, cooking techniques and more.
Eat like Italians
Honestly, it’s not enough to try Italian food - and talk about it. Eating is a way of life in Italy. By American standards, it involves a rather predictable meal schedule, fresh ingredients, home-cooked meals, and above all: eating together. “An Italian student can definitely teach an American family our traditions, like sitting at the table all together and eating a warm meal,” explains Vanessa.
Your student from Italy will be honored to teach you how to eat like an Italian for a week. Try it and you may like it. Buon appetito!
Italian students are known for bringing a spark of fun into their host families. “We are full of energy, ready for new adventures, really funny, and you never get bored,” according to Alice from Milan who is on exchange in Flint, Michigan this year. Enjoy simple family activities together: walks, running errands, meals together, board games, movie night, visiting grandparents. These kids like to be busy and it’s fun to share everyday, simple pleasures with them.
Have you watched “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”? You might experience an Italian version of this if you get to meet your new extended family on the other side of the world. Mamma and Papá will be right there, but what about grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins? See if they'd like to make a Zoom appearance and you may soon be meeting a wide range of Italians from all branches of the family tree.
Italians students tend to be very enthusiastic about American culture. This makes it especially fun to share your everyday life with an exchange student from Italy. Following are a few items for your bucket list when hosting Italian teenagers.
Italian student Vanessa loves these simple, fun activities:
“Americans can teach us a different lifestyle,” says Vanessa. “Everybody drives and they’re so independent! They can also teach us how to do practical things. I learned a lot about cows and farm life!”
Alice's favorite activities included:
Families evolve and change over time. Your family has its own personality and culture at this point in time. Italian exchange students tend to thrive with families like these...
What are the keys for living happily ever after with a student from Italy? Here's a list of tips from experienced ICES staff, with input from Vanessa and Alice...
Generally, Italian teens are independent and expect more freedom than most teens get in the USA. The key is to map out your house rules in writing. Review them together one by one. Revisit the list weekly during the first month.
The best way to help your Italian teenager adapt quickly to a whole new way of thinking and living is to explain your reasons why. They've been raised to politely discuss, debate and negotiate with adults. It only takes a little time to explain the rationale behind your American rules, but your efforts will go a long way.
Even kids with excellent English need time to adapt to 24/7 with native speakers. We use idioms and figures of speech. We have accents, different tones of voice and even new body language to interpret. The key is to speak slowly at first - and check for understanding.
We asked Italian student Alice what advice she would give to American host families when living with kids from Italy. “Be open, ready to try new foods and have empathy because everything is new for the student.” (Interesting how food always makes it into the mix.)
Italian teens are very friend oriented, so the key is to help them find friends you can trust. Another option is to talk this over. What are your expectations? What kinds of friends do you hope they will make? Which red flags should they look out for? Where can they find good friends you will feel comfortable letting them go out with?
“Honestly, I’d say that to be happy we need company, friends and activities,” explains Vanessa. “We like to be involved in school activities and sports, but at the same time we need our space and personal time to spend with friends, trying to have fun!”
Italian exchange students are often baffled when perceive that their host parents “don’t trust them”. The problem is simple: they are used to greater autonomy and independence than is typically allowed by American parents. The key is to explain cultural differences and make your needs clear. What do you expect:
When you are sure your student is with “the right crowd”, try to give them a bit of freedom. Exchange is all about adapting to a new culture and your student knows that. Once you know for sure that you can trust your student to stick to the plan, keep you informed about any changes and answer your messages/calls at all times, it helps to loosen up just a bit.
Italians tend to have a fairly direct communication style. Capitalize on this by talking about any issues or concerns you may have. And don’t wait. Daily communication is the best way to keep the channels open and reap the rewards of a close relationship with your Italian student.
Many Italian kids have been raised to have a mind of their own, which makes hosting all the more interesting and fun. But always remember that your rules are The Rules. Be sure your student remembers this, and then choose to be flexible in the areas that don’t stretch your limits.
The best way to bond with your Italian student? You guessed it: enjoy eating meals together. This is how your teenager from Italy has learned to open up and share with other people. So, take advantage of this cultural exchange to bond over food. It will pay huge dividends.
Cooking together might be the second best way to bond with a teenager from Italy. This is just one more source of glue to bind your student together with your family, another way to invest and build trust and love.
Most importantly: have fun together (yes, with an emphasis on the together). Year after year, American host families report just how much fun it is to live with an Italian. These kids come equipped to form very tight bonds and a little love and fun go such a long way.
So, don’t hold back: light the fire, pull out the hotdogs and marshmallows, or break out the board games, watch movies together. Little things like this will warm your Italian student’s heart. And that’s the stuff exchanges are made of!