Hosting the Whole Family!

Our story really began when we lost our four-year-old son to cancer...

We could not have more children, and we did not want our daughter to grow up as an only child.  So, when she was in seventh grade, we began hosting foreign exchange students from around the world. 

Our daughter grew up with 22 international siblings from around the world. One brother was even the best man at her wedding.

Since then, we have been very blessed to host twenty-two students. Some of these kids have been siblings and relatives, and these are the stories we’ve been asked to share in this post. Now, if you have more than one child, you know that each one has a different personality, yet they all share the same values and responsibilities taught by their families. And that has been our experience with exchange students who are siblings or relatives.

Our first international son was Felipe De Lapava from Colombia.  We could have never imagined we would fall in love with another family's son, but we did.  It was the beginning of a long adventure.  Over the next four years, the reason we kept hosting students was simply to have a sibling for our daughter in our home.  However, we love kids so when our daughter finally went off to college, we just continued inviting students into our home.  When we would think about stopping, some of our previous students would call us and ask if we would consider keeping another family member of theirs.

Our first foreign exchange student was Felipe. He loved dancing salsa around the house.

Our first batch of siblings and cousins came from the lovely De Lapava family. Since Felipe’s departure, we have hosted his cousins, Jesus, and Sebastian, and finally his youngest brother Juan. What a great privilege and compliment to be asked to host these exceptional young men.

Felipe was very affectionate and full of energy.  Always laughing, and dancing salsa around the house. He was outgoing and friendly.  In his home he had a younger sister so adapting was easy.  We were just starting to work on the missions of the church and was heading to places like Honduras and Mexico.  So, I had requested a Spanish speaking student to help me learn Spanish.

Felipe fit into our family as if we were his real family. It was fun to have him in our home.

Jesus and Felipe were first cousins.  Felipe's mother and Jesus's father are brother and sister.  Jesus could not have been more different.  Jesus was quiet and loved soccer.  Our daughter was now in high school and had started to drive.  They became more like a brother and sister than any previous student.  He steered her away from bad decisions and was later the best man at her wedding.  His speech at the wedding was filled with tears and laughter.  Jesus was different in that he was also more grateful because he came from a less privileged background.

Jesus was very different from his cousin Felipe, yet they all shared the same family values. He was a good influence on our daughter, his American sister.

Sebastian is also a cousin to Felipe and Jesus.  Sebastian's mother is a sister to Felipe's mother and Jesus's father.  Prior to Sebastian's arrival we visited Colombia where his mother asked if we would keep him.  This was also our daughters first year away at college. 

Sebastian was a very serious young man, and very focused.  He was always self-conscious of his physique.  He exercised daily and ate a body builders’ regiment of food.   He was very smart and always sought approval and affection.  He loved sports and traveling.  The year he was here we also hosted a student from Slovakia.  They became like brothers.

We brought our Colombian and Slovakian families together when we hosted Sebastian and Marek at the same time. The boys bonded like real brothers.

Juan was a cousin to Felipe, and brother of Jesus. He arrived after our daughter had already finished college and was married.  Juan has been the most affectionate of all of them.  He is also the one who is concerned with quality family time.  He is always offering to help around the house, outside, in the garage, or wherever he is needed.  He spends a lot of personal time with Steve playing racquetball and swimming.  He did not participate in any school sports.

Juan brought his own, unique personality from Colombia along with the same family values we appreciated in his brother and cousins.

We have also had the privilege to meet the wonderful parents of each one of these four boys. All of them make us feel like family, even to this day as we continue to stay in touch.

We have been to Colombia to stay with them in their homes where they treated us like royalty after hosting their children. We were already used to the friendly, family-oriented Spanish culture after spending time in Honduras and Mexico. We also had the pleasure of receiving a visit from Felipe and Jesus’ family.

When Felipe's Colombian parents visited us, our two families formed a bond we continue to enjoy today.

Our next sibling story began with Martin from Slovakia. A few years after hosting this wonderful young man, his mother contacted us, asking if we would host their youngest son Marek. Once again, both boys were very different, yet both shared the same values that were taught to them by their families.

Martin and Marek were very different young men but they were united by the same strong, traditional family values like respect for parents and loyalty to family.

Martin was probably the most family-oriented student we have ever had. He was a kid who preferred to stay home with the family. He loved to share sports and exercise with the family. He was the first choice as best man for our daughter's wedding, but he could not make it.  So, Jesus was asked to do the honors. 

Martin was probably our most family-oriented student. He bonded not only with us, his host parents, but also the grandparents on both sides of the family.

Martin was also very dedicated to our family and so protective too. One time in Chicago, on a family trip, a man approached Steve, and Martin stepped in to ensure that Steve would be safe.  In fact, all of us felt safe when he was around. 

Martin enjoyed spending time at home and simply doing whatever our family was doing. 

Even Steve’s parents were crying when Martin had to leave. In Slovakia he would stay with his grandpa in the summers.  So, he dedicated a lot of time with the grandparents here in the United States.  When he would see Steve's dad working outside, he would go over and say, "Grandpa that's too hard for you.  Let me do it for you." He would also spend days asking about how to fix something, or just genuinely concerned about both grandparents.  

With Linda's parents Martin would do exactly the same thing. For example, he helped put shingles on the roof. And he would often do the same for Steve. If he felt that work was too labor-intensive for his host dad, he would step in and just take over.   

Marek and Sebastian bonded with our family and with each other. They enjoyed an excellent year together in the USA.

Martin’s youngest brother Marek was here at the same time as Sebastian. Marek was our most laid-back student.  Nothing excited him or upset him; he seemed to never worry.  He would laugh and could laugh at himself.   He loved to play pranks on people and would never argue with anyone.  He was helpful when asked and a hard worker.  He did seem to get close to the other student, Sebastian from Colombia.

Our visit to Slovakia was filled food, fun and family time as we enjoyed getting to know the Eastern European branch of our family.

We had the opportunity to visit Martin and Marek’s family in Slovakia, and later they came to Ohio to meet us. Slovakian culture is similar to American culture.  Their diet is better and different. Breakfast would be sandwiches with meat and tomatoes.  Lunch and supper are prepared at home.  Fast food restaurants are not common. 

We felt like royalty as our Slovakian family rolled out the red carpet for us. They welcomed us into their home, shared meals with us and showed us the local sights.

They also treated us like royalty and kept us at their home.  They took us to see many beautiful places.  With each family in both Colombia and Slovakia it was nice to have private tours planned.  We did not have to worry about anything.  We felt like family from the moment that we arrived.  Even today we communicate through Facebook and Instagram, sharing photos and stories.

Hosting students from around the world has opened our eyes to just how small the world really is.

As we mentioned, each one of these boys was very different, but they all held the same family values of respect and love, loyalty to the family, integrity, trustworthiness, work ethic and a focus on education in order to become a valuable part of society. All boys were respectful, had good hygiene and showed a willingness to adjust to a different family.

In order to make a foreign exchange student part of your family, you have to start with an open mind and realize we are all different.  We look at our own marriage and know it sometimes takes work, patience and understanding.  When we have opened our home to all of the twenty-two students we have had, we have applied those same rules.  It has been exciting to learn each student's culture, but even more fun learning about their personalities. 

On visits to Colombia, we also felt like royalty as the Latin American branch of our family welcomed us with open arms.

The main challenge that host families face is setting realistic goals and expectations.  You also have to be willing to make some adjustments yourself to meet the students’ goals.  We are not their servant but rather their parents.  They are our family, and we love them just as much as real family members.  It has been a great compliment for us whenever any parent has called and asked us to host.  We know that they trust us, and we were successful in making them a part of our family.  

Hosting exchange students has opened our eyes to how small this world really is.  We try to see the things we have in common, and not the differences.  It has opened so many doors to have extended family all over the world.  We have visited most of them and many have returned, sometimes with their whole family.

Having extended family around the world has opened many doors. We have visited most of our students.

If you do host, or have hosted, and get close to a great student, don’t hesitate to host a sibling or a cousin. Our experience has been that they have very different personalities, but the same values. We have grown to love their whole families through their children.

If you would like to help a foreign exchange student by hosting, please contact an ICES local coordinator. These students have changed our lives forever. They will always be family. We strongly recommend that you grow your international family now.