“There’s no food in this house!” This is a message I received from a desperate exchange student who had just arrived in the USA. Alarmed, I quickly sent an urgent email requesting immediate assistance for this poor, starving student. Within hours, I received photos of a kitchen full of food. What was going on?
Was the student exaggerating, or was this a cultural misunderstanding? Much like optical illusions, two people can look at the same situation and perceive it very differently.
It was indeed a cultural misunderstanding. I quickly learned that when a foreign exchange student says, “There’s no food,” it usually means, “I don’t know what to eat or how to prepare anything with the ingredients in this kitchen.” The foods are as foreign to them as a new language might be.
What’s the moral of the story? Cultural misunderstandings are opportunities to learn, grow, and see the world differently. Here are seven strategies for navigating these critical incidents effectively.
1. Keep Calm
“This student is rude and disrespectful.” My jaw dropped as I read the complaints about a student from Germany. When I met her at orientation, she seemed like a perfect candidate for the exchange program. But her host family felt she was constantly arguing with them.
In Germany, it’s considered important for teenagers to form opinions, express them, and even engage in lively debates with parents and teachers. This practice is seen as essential for developing independent, thoughtful citizens.
When you first feel irritation or confusion, remember to stay calm. Cultural misunderstandings are normal and bound to occur. It's time to switch on your curiosity and prepare for a learning adventure.
2. Listen Like a Detective
“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Stephen Covey’s wise words from "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" are crucial here. Listen like a detective who really wants to understand. Start by gently asking your student about their perspective on the situation. Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings by asking open-ended questions. Practice active, reflective listening to understand their viewpoint fully.
3. Explain the Cultural Context
“In the USA, it’s common for parents to meet new friends before you go out with them.” Cultural misunderstandings often stem from a lack of awareness about what is considered normal, polite, or acceptable in different countries.
Your student didn't grow up with American customs—they come from a background with its own unique set of rules, schedules, foods, social activities, and etiquette. After you've listened carefully to your student and made them feel understood, it's time to explain how things work in the USA. This helps them navigate their new environment and succeed.
4. Seek Common Ground
“I’ve heard complaints that a student isn't showing gratitude, while the student feels they are being thankful.” In every culture, gratitude is expressed in different ways. Often, students simply don’t know how to show appreciation in the American way.
Finding common ground in every misunderstanding is helpful. In this case, it's the value placed on gratitude. Most students will agree on the importance of showing appreciation. Once on common ground, you can build empathy by discussing how a lack of expressed gratitude might feel to both you and someone in the student's home country.
5. Create an Action Plan
“What’s the plan?” Misunderstandings often highlight areas needing attention. What changes are expected moving forward? What steps should be taken, and by when? Is there anything you can do to assist?
6. Conduct Check-Ups
“It’s so hard.” I've heard many teenagers say this as they struggle to adapt to many changes simultaneously. Adjusting to a new culture requires time, effort, and patience. Regularly check in with the student to review progress and offer encouragement.
7. Welcome Expert Advice
“We don’t want to bother the coordinator.” Many families hesitate to reach out, but coordinators are there to help. They have experience with recurring issues and can provide valuable insights.
By approaching cultural misunderstandings with empathy and understanding, host families can create a positive experience for both them and their exchange students. These challenges can become opportunities for learning and growth, providing new perspectives on life.
Always remember: Each misunderstanding resolved is a step towards a deeper understanding and stronger bond between you and your student.
