Saying goodbye to an exchange student usually happens in a flurry of activity: end of school, beginning of summer, planning family vacations. Busy, busy, busy. And then one day: It’s over. And, you feel it.
I know three families that each felt very differently at the end of their exchange. The first family was overwhelmed with sadness; host mom was still shedding tears many days after departure. The second family was relieved, but they also felt sense of regret. And the third family felt oddly neutral, unchanged and unmoved.
The Emotional Rollercoaster
Saying goodbye is rarely just one feeling. It’s usually a mix of emotions and it can hit each family (and even each family member) differently.
Sadness and Loss
Like our first family, many host families suffer (a lot) when their student leaves. They feel like they are losing a real member of their family (and they are). Our first family coped by staying in touch with their student…and going on to host 14 more over the coming years.
Guilt and Regret
Some host families feel a sense of relief when their student leaves. And they might have some regrets. Our second family took time to reflect and learn from the experience. Then they went on to make many happy memories with their next student.
Neutrality
Other host families report feeling like their experience was neither good nor bad. It just was. And that’s okay, but would they host again? Our third family didn’t expect to host again. Until she did. And what a surprise! After saying goodbye, host mom ended up on a plane to Brazil to meet a new extended family that welcomed her with open arms.
Pride and Fulfillment
Most families who host a student feel a certain sense of pride and fulfillment no matter how the story “ends”. They have learned a lot. They have shared a lot. And, inevitably, they have grown a lot.
Pain and Hurt
Sadly, some hosting experiences do not end well. One family was stunned when their student left in a huff. They didn’t even realize the student was upset. How did they cope? Next time they hosted (oh, so happily ever after), they focused on communication skills, checking perceptions and sharing feelings.
Anxiety About the Future
Will you stay in touch? Will they remember you? Will the student thrive back home? What is the next step for each one of you? It’s very normal to feel twinges of anxiety after you say goodbye.
Joy and Gratitude
And of course, it is common to feel grateful for all the memories, all the cultural learning, and all the personal growth you and your family experienced.
Family Support
Each family member may process these emotions differently. Younger kids might keep asking for their missing sibling. Teens can seem especially absorbed in their phones. How can you support each other?
Talk About It
Have open conversations about how everyone is feeling. Acknowledge the sadness and the joy. This normalizes big emotions and helps children learn to express themselves.
Explore Emotions
Why do emotions exist? Emotions serve to motivate us in some way...So, what might these emotions mean for you right now: sadness, joy, anxiety, pride, regret, gratitude? Explore and learn together.
Reflect on Growth
As a family, talk about what you learned, about yourselves, your values, and your ability to handle challenges – and about your student’s culture and maybe the world at large.
Stay Connected
If possible, keep in touch. Social media, emails, and video calls can keep your bond strong, though it’s also okay if the relationship changes over time.
Finding Meaning in the Experience
Hosting an exchange student is a journey of personal growth. You’ve managed a wide array of cultural differences, built resilience, practiced empathy, and learned that family can mean something much broader than biology. Now it’s time to reflect.
- What did you learn about yourself?
- What surprised you most (good or bad) about hosting?
- How did you handle tough moments?
- What would you do differently next time?
Moving Forward
Every host family grows from this journey. Some families will host again, armed with new insights and strategies. Others may decide that once was enough, and that’s perfectly okay. Whatever you choose, remember: Your willingness to open your home and heart has made a difference in the life of a young person, and in your own. That’s something to be proud of.
